I gave up making resolutions a few years ago. They always sounded like a good thing when the new year began but by March they were broken. The thing was, I didn’t feel much guilt for breaking them so I finally came to the conclusion that they were a waste of time for me.
But when Sherman and Leroy came to me the other day and asked if I would help them with a few resolutions of their own, of course I obliged. I’m not one to say no to a dog after all.
I’m really not sure if they have the focus that they need to keep resolutions for 12 whole months but I’ll be their biggest supporter if they need me to be.
Here’s what we came with as a team:
Sherman’s Resolutions. I, Sherman the Berman,
Will give other dog toys a fair chance. I realize that I put my mom in a pickle when I ask for new toys because I only play with yellow Kong toys and there’s only so many of those produced. Over 10 years I have acculuated every single one that’s available and since mom bought me a smaller version of one that I already have for Christmas, I think she’s out options so I will try to like other toys.
Tolerate my legs being touched. I will do my best to stop thinking horrible thoughts in my head when mom needs to brush or wash the slobber off my legs. I’ve never liked my front legs being touched but I think I’m old enough to realize that no one is going to cut my legs off so I’ll try to let that go a bit. I’ll also stop flinching and walking away when she cuts my front nails.
Quick acting like I don’t know who farted. Sometimes when I’m in a deep sleep I’ll fart. It’s usually pretty loud and long and it wakes me up. I know it’s me who did it but I usually look around the room in disgust and try to blame it on one of the humans.
Blow more bubbles. I will do my best to blow more slobber bubbles when I’m begging because I know that this makes mom smile and I always get a treat when I blow a bubble.
Keep giving kisses this whole year. Every time mom comes home I give her a little hoarse bark and kiss right on the lips. Sometimes I accidentally give her a fat lip when she’s been gone more than hour but she says she doesn’t mind.
Leroy’s Resolutions. I Leroy, The Great,
Will respect my intestines. While I can’t promise that I will stop eating ALL inedible objects I will try my best to only eat things that will not inflame my intestines or puncture them.
Respect personal space. I will refer back to the “personal space” guidelines that were given to me as a puppy and I will abide by them, especially when people are eating at the kitchen table. After all these years mom is getting better with her elbow blocks so I have less opportunities to snatch food from her plate. It’s really not worth the effort anymore.
Stop opening the door with my head. Some days I like to open the door with my head and some days I wait for someone else to open the door. Sometimes I try to open the door with my head and the door doesn’t open. Mom says that I’m going to get a concussion but I’m pretty sure that I’ve already been concussed. Sometimes I open the door with my head and the door slams on Sherman’s head because he’s slower than me. Mom gets very angry when that happens. She says that I already have brain damage and she doesn’t want Sherman to have it too.
Get in the current time zone. It’s been well over 2 months since we moved the clocks back an hour but my body and mind have not adjusted. My brain and my stomach tell me it’s time to eat at 4:00 but the humans say I eat when the clock says 5:00.
Let mom trim the dried poop on my butt. This is a funny one. I have this clump of dried poop just to the right of my butt hole and it’s driving my mom nuts. She’s been trying to cut it off for the last month but every time she lifts my tail to try and get it I run away and tuck my tail in really tight. I’m not gonna lie, it’s a sensitive spot but not so sensitive that I can’t tolerate it. I just like to see mom squirm BUT one of these days this year I will give her an adequate 30 seconds to clip it off. If she fails, she fails and I’ll still have dried poop on my butt.
Stop leaving evidence that I’ve been napping in dad’s spot on the couch. Dad says that I need to stay off his side of the couch but mom says I can lay there as long as dad doesn’t know. That means I can’t wipe my face on the pillows or dig at the blankets and mess the cushions up. I’ve yet to do this and mom keeps getting yelled at.
Keep giving awesome hugs. Mom says that I’m the best hugger she could ever ask for and sometimes she needs me to just sit there and let her hug away. I like her and I like giving hugs so I will keep on giving the best ones that I can.
I think that the boys did pretty well creating their resolutions although I’m pretty interested to see how that “giving new toy a chance” thing is going to work out for Sherman.
So how about you, did you help your dogs create any resolutions this year?