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An Open Letter To The Dog Peeing In The House


Dear Dogs,

I know there’s not much of a chance that you’re reading this but if for some odd reason either one of you has a brief moment where you can hop on the computer during one of your naps…… that would be awesome.

Who the hell is peeing in the house?


I’m not blind. I see the puddles.

I actually walked through one yesterday morning and my pajama bottoms got soaked.

That’s just what I enjoy.

Walking through dog urine first thing in the morning and then having to take my pants off and walk through the house in my underwear searching for another pair of p.j.’s. You know I only have one favorite pair.

Your piss placement is perfect

If I didn’t know any better I would think that you’ve been watching my path throughout the house in the morning for months.

What did I do to deserve this? What are you mad at?

Was it the treat dispensing toy?


Are you mad that I made you work for your food?

You lazy dogs. I have ruined you. Giving you everything you need to survive and then having the audacity to one day switch things up and make you bat a ball around.

Was it because of the day I turned the air conditioner off. You know it was 55 degrees out that day. I figured you would be fine and the fresh air flowing through the house would be could for you. Some dogs in this world don’t have air conditioners you know.

Was it because I trimmed your nails when you were sleeping? So sorry. I just wanted you to be able to walk like a normal dog. It’s what us humans do since you don’t have thumbs to trim your own nails.

Was it because I put the new cooling mat in your favorite spot to lay? You know it’s called a cooling mat for a reason, right? You also know that I paid for that, right? I could of used that money to buy myself a new pair of pajama bottoms dog damn it.


Is it because I keep leaving and going to work? Come on. We’ve had this discussion before. Work=food and toys and water. Maybe you should try stepping up your modeling career. Yeah. I went there. I’m just the photographer. You have to want it to get it.

Is it because I haven’t taken you for a car ride recently? Hello. It’s 95 degrees outside. Have you not heard the news? Dogs in hot cars don’t mix. You want me to go to jail? Before you answer that, remember who orders your dog food.

I thought we all mature adult dogs here. According to YOUR medical records and YOUR veterinarian there is nothing wrong with YOUR bladder, penis, kidneys or prostrate.

I was pretty sure I knew who the peeing bandit was because I know your habits. I’ve been studying them for years. Sherman pees neatly. One small puddle and that’s it. Leroy on the other hand is a mess. Pees and dribbles while walking away.

The puddles I have been cleaning up are neat little puddles which would give me valid reason to suspect Sherman. However, after further discussion with the big guy of the house, he has informed me that Leroy has been refusing to go out in the morning.

That’s interesting Mr. Roy.

Isn’t it?

You both have 24 hours to come clean and for the urinating in the house to cease.

Belly bands for both of you if can’t make that happen.


Jen or whatever it is you refer to me as: Mom, Servant, Pet Parent, Owner, Guardian, Human.

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Tuesday 4th of August 2015

LOL! When it is this hot outside (90 and above) plus humidity, my guys poke their noses out the door, check the weather, and refuse to go out. But they never pee indoors...just cross all their legs and hold it!


Monday 3rd of August 2015

Lapse in being house broken would mean a vet trip to me, making sure no UTI or other medical reason. As I learned with Jasmine, UTI doesn't always come carrying a big banner.

Chelsea Price

Monday 3rd of August 2015

Instead of puddles, we usually find week-old stains in carpeted corners. :/ Much harder to clean up! Though I'm sure a Newfie puddle is much larger than a Pekingese puddle ;)


Monday 3rd of August 2015

Oh Dog! Not good. Not good at all! - Your friends at DogDaz Zoo


Monday 3rd of August 2015

Oh boy, that is nasty! We are all ladies here in the dog dept. and don't do stuff like that. My mom would be real mad if we did!

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