You’ve had a rough week so there’s a few things that I want you to know.
I can’t help but blame myself for you having this disease. I know that sounds crazy but it goes back many years to when you were eating things that you shouldn’t be. If only I wouldn’t have underestimated your stubbornness to seek out objects that could harm you. If only we would have removed the rocks from the yard earlier and if only I would have taken you somewhere else to have that surgery.
I’m sorry that you have this awful disease and if I could go back and make better decisions I would.
But I can’t so I promise to do all that I can to help you through it.
I’m doing the best that I can to make you comfortable and ease your stress because I know that your body is tired.
When I grabbed your leash last Tuesday you were right there by my side with your tail wagging and I didn’t know that you were struggling until you laid down in the grass in the middle of our walk.
That scared me more than you will ever know. I saw you breathing heavy and I immediately checked your gum color which was fine. I reached for my phone to call dad but then I decided that having him come get us might cause you more stress so I sat with you until you were ready to move on.
That night, as I laid in bed trying to fall asleep, a sad thought popped into my head.
I’m not ready to put your toys away. I’m not ready to pick up your all your stuffies and place them somewhere that I’ll never see them again. I’m not ready to put your bowls away.
I’m not ready to let you go.
But I know that’s it not about me.
It’s about you, which is why on Wednesday I looked deep into your eyes to see if the fight was still there.
I took all of my emotions out it and I saw the glimmer in your eyes, you’re still fighting so I’m still fighting with you.
I will do everything I can to get you through this.
I will go without so that you can go with.
Actually, the family and I talked and we are all in agreement that WE will go without so that you can go with.
That’s what families do. We stick together.
As your primary caretaker and advocate I want you to know that I am doing everything that I can to learn about this disease so that you have the best chance of getting into another remission.
The thing is, this is a hard disease to navigate. Every dog is different and responds differently to treatment so I have to rely on tests and other people like your vet to point us in the right direction. There’s a lot of trial and error and you might get worse before you get better. You’re going to get frustrated because you can’t do the things that you want to do and you can’t eat the things that you love.
And I’m going to get frustrated for you.
I promise not to tempt you and buy those big dog cookies with the special icing on them anymore. I promise not to give you something just because it worked on another dog with IBD even though I might want to because I’m grasping at straws to keep you strong.
I will do what works for you and not what works for me.
You’re not fighting this alone buddy, I’m right along side of you fighting and I promise that I’ll stop when you give me that sign you’re not enjoying life anymore.
With love always,